If I could kill a word and watch it die
I'd poison "never," shoot goodbye
Beat "regret" when I felt I had the nerve
Yeah, I'd pound "fear" to a pile of sand
Choke "lonely" out with my bare hands
I'd hang "hate" so that it can't be heard
If I could only kill a word
—Eric Church, “Kill a Word”

*Above: The modern lexicon proves that sometimes less really is more.*

Inflation is the topic du jour. It’s everywhere: the gas station, the grocery store, hell even the skies.

As it turns out, even the English language hasn’t been spared.

Around 5,400 new words are created annually and dictionaries typically add around a thousand of these neologisms each year. Of course, this number can vary. For instance, Merriam-Webster added approximately 690 new words in September 2023 alone… It’s a slow death by a deluge of vowels and consonants.

No more, I say.

It’s high time for some alphabetical asceticism. In a meme:

And so, taking a page out of Eric Church’s playbook, I present a few words that have overstayed their linguistic welcome.

When used, the following words represent the height of stultiloquence (an objectively phenomenal word, five points for Gryffindor).

In no particular order, the Four Horsemen of the Anglophone Apocalypse:

I. Corporatespeak

These words call to mind the tinny hum of fluorescent lighting, the bland, vinyl tiles of a far-too-low drop ceiling, the shrill squeeeeeeak of a dry erase marker dragged across a whiteboard, and the pervasive smell of stale break room coffee.
- Leverage
- Synergy
- Bandwidth
- Touchpoint
- Deliverable

II. Filthy Phonics

If these words could talk, they would tell horror stories. They are the verbal equivalent of Fear Factor. Both their definition and their delivery give the heebie jeebies.
- Phlegm
- Pus
- Ointment
- Moist

III. Gen Z/Alpha Vernacular

What the English did to William Wallace in Braveheart, Gen Z/Alpha has done to the English language: hanged, drawn, quartered, and beheaded it. From these words, I demand “FREEDOM!”

For definitions, see here. Boomer Beware.

IV. Pronunciation Problem Children

If speaking is running, these words are oral potholes. Recite this list five times fast. Go on, I dare you.
- Quinoa
- Isthmus
- Worcestershire
- Antidisestablishmentarianism

As I’ve learned, nothing so inflames the human spirit more than questions of politics and phonics.

What say you, dear reader?