The Passing Present of Parents
Next to God, thy parents. —William Penn
Love your parents well and treat them with tender care. You’ll only know their value when you see their empty chair. —Unknown
Above: The Holy Family—that Gordian Knot of perfect love to which we should all aspire.
The love of a parent is a lot like oxygen: it’s abundant, life-giving, free, flammable, and only noticed when in short supply or gone entirely. We neither deserve it nor can we live without it.
Oscar Wilde had an interesting take on a children’s reaction to this unconditional affection. He wrote, “Children begin by loving their parents; as they grow older they judge them; sometimes they forgive them."
Like a runner during a marathon, the quote starts strongly, quickly fades, and ends weakly; specifically, it lacks the debt of gratitude that all sons and daughters—that is, each and every one of us—owe their parents. After all, without their gift of life, you could neither taste the crisp winter air nor bask in the warm summer heat.
To that effect, Wilde’s words require a slight addendum. They ought read: “Children begin by loving their parents; as they grow older they judge them. Sometimes they forgive them; inevitably they miss them. Finally, they thank them because, as parents themselves, they understand them.”
The below construction attempts to capture the essence of this subtle progression:
One Year Old: Mom and Dad?
Four Years Old Mom and Dad know everything.
Eight Years Old: Mom and Dad will know!
Eleven Years Old: Maybe Mom and Dad don’t know?
Thirteen Years Old: Mom and Dad have no idea.
Sixteen Years Old: I know that Mom and Dad know nothing.
Eighteen Years Old: What the hell do Mom and Dad know?
Twenty-Two Years Old: I know. Mom and Dad don’t.
Twenty-Five Years Old: Wow, Mom and Dad really do know a thing or two.
Thirty Years Old: Mom and Dad will know.
Forty Years Old: How the hell did Mom and Dad know?
Fifty Years Old: Mom and Dad really knew all along.
Sixty Years Old: Mom and Dad would know. If only I could ask them.
The Office’s Andy Bernard shared one of the more timeless, thought-provoking lines in television history: “I wish there was a way to know you're in the good old days before you've actually left them.”
If you are reading these words, you are alive. If you’re lucky enough that your mother and/or father is still alive, give them a ring, hold them tightly, thank them, tell them how much you love them.
You never know when their favorite couch or chair will sag only with their faint indentation, not their full weight.
There’s a decent chance that the current days and the good old ones are one and the same.
Live accordingly.